I've been stuck in such a morose mood lately. Between our only car dying and getting a new one, to trying to find a place to live, and not knowing where our next meal is coming from, I have been stressed to the breaking point. Add to that equation, depression and frustration (all stemming from these issues), and you've got a bomb waiting to go off. It's been taking a lot of effort on my part to NOT snap at everyone for every little thing.
And because of this dark mood I've been in, my usual feelings of loneliness have been heightened. I feel as if I'm totally invisible to some people, and I feel like I'm being totally disregarded. I know I'm not the center of everyone's universe, but is it asking too much to get a small note or something from someone, asking how I'm doing? Lately, I've been needing that. I've been needing someone to notice that I'm not my usual self, and to just be there. I just want some adult interaction, dammit, and I don't get that, unless I'M the one putting myself out there. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being the one that always has to go to someone, just to hang out. I want someone to show they're thinking of me, and maybe come to me. Just to watch a movie, or something. But I know that if I don't do the initiating, then I'll never get to see anyone. Lord knows I've tried. But 90% of the time, any of my invites go unheeded, or I get excuses.
Hell, maybe I'm just overreacting, and being all over emotional and shit. I get that way sometimes. But when I sit here all day with no escape, can you blame me?
I had more to say, but my brain has shut down, and I've forgotten what else I wanted to say. I just hope that our situation straightens out soon. A person can only go on being this stressed for so long. And I think I'm nearing the end of my rope.
About Me
- Dee
- I'm a music obsessed pyromaniac with a vampire fetish. I love bacon and I tend to curse...a lot. Oh, and my mind has taken up permanent residence in the gutter.
1 comment:
It's really hard being in your situation and being "stuck". I've been there so I understand; in fact I'm stuck without a car now too. It's also hard being on the other side; never knowing what to say or getting to involved in their own lives.
All I know is I love you, I'm here for you and I am blessed to have you as one of my closest friends. I only wish I could help you out more. I wish I could be your knight in shining armor. *HUGS*
There are so many thoughts in my head that I wish to say but honestly it's like trying to catch butterflies on a windy day to pinpoint one to write. :P
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