This is going to be a hard entry for me to post, but I post it to give a better understanding into what makes me, me.
I've recently discovered something about myself, something that no one really knows about, yet. What I'm about to say is hard to explain, and may put some people off. But this is about what makes me tick, so bear with me.
I am a bisexual. This, most of my close friends already know about. I make no move to hide it, and everyone takes it in stride. This I've known for quite awhile. What I've recently discovered, is that I'm polyamorous as well.
Polyamory has many different meanings, and not everyone views it the same way. My favorite, and the one I most closely associate with, is this one, which I found here:
"Polyamory means "loving more than one." This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, incestuous or any combination thereof."
That, at it's base, is what I identify with.
With that said, I don't include the love I feel for my friends in that. To me, that's a completely different kind of love. It's difficult to explain something like this, so just bear with me.
The kind of love I'm talking about is the romantic, lovey-dovey kind of love. The kind you feel towards a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband...you get my drift.
This realization didn't come to me overnight, and it's not something I take lightly. I feel what I feel. I've spent a lot of time thinking about, and analyzing those feelings. I know now that this is a true piece of my being, and not some sort of a whim. It's just another part of who I am.
Please be respectful in any comment you may decide to make. If you decide to be an ignorant douchebag, your comment will be deleted, you'll be blocked and then incinerated before my wrath. You have been warned. Have a nice day. ^_^
Monday, October 25, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Stupidity reigns supreme.
You know what bothers me? When black people throw out the race card. I'm not being racist by saying this, nor am I saying ALL black people do it. But there ARE some out there who do, and they do it in stupid situations.
My case in point:
I was out having "coffee" with some friends last night at a diner type restaurant. It was nearing bar time, and this obviously inebriated black man walks in, and goes up to the register, saying he had a flat tire. Being as this diner was in the same plaza as a gas stations, the servers pointed him in the direction of the air pump, and told him that's all they could do for him.
Well. He decides to get all up in the owner's face, calling him a racist because they won't help him and generally puts up a stink, before staggering out.
o_O
Really?
It. Was. A. Restaurant! Not a gas station, not a service station, not a car repair place. It was a place that serves food. It's not like they keep a stock of spare tires in the kitchen.
*sigh*
He ended up driving away on his rim. Sparks were flying everywhere. He was too drunk to be driving, and I hope he got caught before he hurt anyone.
My case in point:
I was out having "coffee" with some friends last night at a diner type restaurant. It was nearing bar time, and this obviously inebriated black man walks in, and goes up to the register, saying he had a flat tire. Being as this diner was in the same plaza as a gas stations, the servers pointed him in the direction of the air pump, and told him that's all they could do for him.
Well. He decides to get all up in the owner's face, calling him a racist because they won't help him and generally puts up a stink, before staggering out.
o_O
Really?
It. Was. A. Restaurant! Not a gas station, not a service station, not a car repair place. It was a place that serves food. It's not like they keep a stock of spare tires in the kitchen.
*sigh*
He ended up driving away on his rim. Sparks were flying everywhere. He was too drunk to be driving, and I hope he got caught before he hurt anyone.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Just one of them days.
It's been one of those days again. I've felt useless, ugly and stupid, again. I was fine for most of the day, but then, all of a sudden, BAM! I was hit by a mack truck. I suddenly had this very strong urge to just burst into tears. I didn't really know why. It didn't really have a reason. I've been chatting with a friend who's been having some problems, so maybe I opened myself up too much again. I have a tendency of doing that. Whatever it was, it made all my insecurities surge to the surface, nearly overwhelming me. I fought through it, but I still don't feel right. I still feel a little weepy.
I'm the kind of person that has a hard time reaching out to people, and talking about how I feel. Makes me feel like an idiot sometimes, even though I shouldn't. Writing helps though. So here I am, typing this out. This isn't what I had planned on writing for my next blog, but there it is. Read it if you dare. ;)
I'm the kind of person that has a hard time reaching out to people, and talking about how I feel. Makes me feel like an idiot sometimes, even though I shouldn't. Writing helps though. So here I am, typing this out. This isn't what I had planned on writing for my next blog, but there it is. Read it if you dare. ;)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The truth behind MegaDee.
I kinda have this reputation with the guys I game with of being a hardass, evil person, but not in a bad way. Kinda like Megatron from Transformers. So, they've nicknamed me MegaDee.
Being the token female in a group full of guys, you tend to get overlooked. A lot. No one really heard me, and they never really considered any of my ideas. It was like I wasn't really there, not to them. After awhile, it got really old, and I got tired of it. So, I finally started speaking up. Loudly. I became more assertive with them. Then they finally started listening to me.
It wasn't until after a Transformers game that I got the nickname MegaDee. I was a playing a very aggressive, gun happy character, which is sort of out of character for me. I pretty much shot first, and asked questions later. I was having fun, but was also making one of the in-game characters nervous and scared of mine. He compared my character to Megatron, and hence started calling me MegaDee. And the nickname stuck.
But that's not really the whole of who I am. I can get angry, yes, but not all the time. I had to bring that aspect of me to the forefront to be heard. In reality, I'm quite a shy person, and I don't like drawing much attention to myself. I hate being center of attention. I also hate confrontation, and will avoid it at all costs. Which usually results in my not saying how I really feel, for fear of hurting feelings, or making someone angry. I'm the kind of girl who'll do anything she can for a friend, and who'll stand by her friends no matter what. My friends are very dear to me, which is why I try not to anger anyone. I hate it when people are angry with me, especially my friends. :)
So that, in a nutshell, is how I earned the nickname MegaDee. The guys still call me that, and I kinda like it. :)
Being the token female in a group full of guys, you tend to get overlooked. A lot. No one really heard me, and they never really considered any of my ideas. It was like I wasn't really there, not to them. After awhile, it got really old, and I got tired of it. So, I finally started speaking up. Loudly. I became more assertive with them. Then they finally started listening to me.
It wasn't until after a Transformers game that I got the nickname MegaDee. I was a playing a very aggressive, gun happy character, which is sort of out of character for me. I pretty much shot first, and asked questions later. I was having fun, but was also making one of the in-game characters nervous and scared of mine. He compared my character to Megatron, and hence started calling me MegaDee. And the nickname stuck.
But that's not really the whole of who I am. I can get angry, yes, but not all the time. I had to bring that aspect of me to the forefront to be heard. In reality, I'm quite a shy person, and I don't like drawing much attention to myself. I hate being center of attention. I also hate confrontation, and will avoid it at all costs. Which usually results in my not saying how I really feel, for fear of hurting feelings, or making someone angry. I'm the kind of girl who'll do anything she can for a friend, and who'll stand by her friends no matter what. My friends are very dear to me, which is why I try not to anger anyone. I hate it when people are angry with me, especially my friends. :)
So that, in a nutshell, is how I earned the nickname MegaDee. The guys still call me that, and I kinda like it. :)
Saturday, September 18, 2010
This chica is a geeka.
That's right, I said it. I'm not ashamed. I. Am. A. Geek. From video games, to reading, to singing; anything that a "geek" would love, I love it all.
I am totally a gamer girl. I play RPGs; that's role-playing games to you non-gamers. We host weekly games of Dungeons and Dragons, and we play other such table top RPGs. But don't call us Satanists. That has absolutely nothing to do with gaming. We're just a group of friends who like to get together and pretend to be something different for a change. It's very much like acting. We're playing the part of a character of our own creation. Sometimes, the character is a reflection of ourselves. Other times, it's something completely different.
But no matter what role we play, we all have a good time hanging out, and doing something we all enjoy. We're an interesting lot, but there's never a dull moment. :)
I am totally a gamer girl. I play RPGs; that's role-playing games to you non-gamers. We host weekly games of Dungeons and Dragons, and we play other such table top RPGs. But don't call us Satanists. That has absolutely nothing to do with gaming. We're just a group of friends who like to get together and pretend to be something different for a change. It's very much like acting. We're playing the part of a character of our own creation. Sometimes, the character is a reflection of ourselves. Other times, it's something completely different.
But no matter what role we play, we all have a good time hanging out, and doing something we all enjoy. We're an interesting lot, but there's never a dull moment. :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
Halloween blues.
I love Halloween. It's my favorite holiday, next to Christmas and my birthday. But lately I haven't been able to work up any enthusiasm for my beloved holiday.
Normally, I would have had a costume idea already in mind by now, and all that would be left would be to find a suitable costume. This year, I just don't know, and nothing is sparking any ideas. We even wandered through a Halloween store, and browsed their selection of costumes. Usually, seeing those will spark some sort of idea in me.
Not this time. I still got zip, zilch, nada.
My attitude towards this holiday has been lackluster at best. I may just end up NOT dressing up this year, and that is very unlike me. I LOVE to dress up. But without an idea at least to go off of, it's hard to come up with a costume.
This may sound like a trivial thing to be bothered by, especially in light of all the other things that have been going on, but it bothers me nonetheless.
I don't know. Maybe I'll come up with something in time. I guess we'll just have to see.
Normally, I would have had a costume idea already in mind by now, and all that would be left would be to find a suitable costume. This year, I just don't know, and nothing is sparking any ideas. We even wandered through a Halloween store, and browsed their selection of costumes. Usually, seeing those will spark some sort of idea in me.
Not this time. I still got zip, zilch, nada.
My attitude towards this holiday has been lackluster at best. I may just end up NOT dressing up this year, and that is very unlike me. I LOVE to dress up. But without an idea at least to go off of, it's hard to come up with a costume.
This may sound like a trivial thing to be bothered by, especially in light of all the other things that have been going on, but it bothers me nonetheless.
I don't know. Maybe I'll come up with something in time. I guess we'll just have to see.
